Inspirational quotes about life that are funny Quotes

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

- Thomas Edison -

Even though I haven't found the right solution yet, that doesn't mean I've failed. There are thousands of other ways that might work - I just have to keep trying until I find the right one. This does not apply to all businesses and research, sometimes it is better to just fail fast, especially if the iteration is costly and slow.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

- Erma Bombeck -

If you ever find yourself sick and your doctor's office has dead plants in it... run out of there as fast as possible. The health of these plants is a sign of the cleanliness and well-being of the clinic.

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it rains.

- Robert Frost -

When it's sunny, banks are happy to give you an umbrella to protect you from the rain. But once it starts raining, they want the umbrella back. Banks are more willing to loan money to those who do not need it as badly, at times when they do not need it as badly. Banks are less willing to lend during bad times when you need it badly.

People say 'Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the guns help because if you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think many people would die.

- Demetri Martin -

People say that if we get rid of guns, mass shootings will decrease. But guns aren’t the problem. People are the problem. As a society, we must come together to do away with ourselves.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.

- Clarence Darrow -

When I was younger, people would tell me that anyone could become President someday. And now... I'm starting to believe it. It seems like anything is possible in this great country of ours!

When I was younger my family would go to the park and one of my favorite activities was swinging on the swingset. But when I got to high school I realized that all of the cool kids were going over to the drug dealer's house.

- Chelsea Peretti -

Every Generation of people observes old things and defines them in a new way. For every century and generation somewhere down the line people’s childhood memories, things are getting changed. In the olden days, kids used to spend their maximum time with friends outside by playing various types of outdoor games. But in the current generation, kids are spending their highest amount of time in front of gadgets and playing virtual games.

A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything.

- Malcolm X -

If you don't have any principles or values, then you'll be easily manipulated by others. You need to stand up for what you believe in, even if it's not popular. Someone who has no opinions and no strong convictions in life will easily accept any weak, stupid or unbalanced, biased viewpoint point to him.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

- Mae West -

You only get one shot at life, so you have to take advantage of it. No regrets! Seize the day and live life to the fullest. You have your plan coming together but now comes the most critical step, taking action. Select something on the list and do it right now. Convince yourself that you are going to do it, and silence the doubts before they get started. And remember to live your life with passion!

The best revenge is massive success.

- Frank Sinatra -

Those people who are trying to bring you down will eventually see that they can't succeed in doing so when your success makes their attempts look small by comparison. If someone tries to tear you down, just keep being successful until they're left in the dust.

Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get.

- Forest Gump -

Life is like a huge gift basket that contains all types of surprises. You'll never know what's around the corner. You never know what life is going to give you. But you live nevertheless. So every day - every new experience - is something you really don't know about until you actually live it. It may not be an experience you like. It may be the greatest experience ever. But you don't know until you've lived it, and by then it's too late to not live it.

I'm not crazy; I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.

- Unknown -

I'm not crazy; I've just been having this really awful day and it seems like it will never end. To help you boost your mood and get back on track, try some things to do when you're having a bad day. At the very least, they'll set you up for a better day tomorrow!

There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of one candle.

- St. Francis of Assisi -

No matter how much darkness there is in this world, the light of one candle will always shine through. The truth cannot be overcome by evil no matter how long that evil lives. The light surpasses all evil. The single candle of light is a grain of truth that no amount of evil can overcome.

I'm not young enough to know everything.

- Oscar Wilde -

Even though I'm young, there are some things I just don't know yet. I'm always learning and growing, so I'll eventually know everything there is to know. But for now, I'm just going to keep an open mind.

What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?

- George Eliot -

Even though all of us are unique and have different desires and interests, we still share one thing: we want to reduce suffering and make life better for everyone. We should help others whenever possible.

Blessed are the cracked for they shall let in the light.

- Stephen Hawking -

Blessed are those who are broken, for they will allow the light to shine through them. They will be able to see things in a new way and understand things that others cannot. They will find a new perspective of their life and could be motivated for their goal.

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

- Seneca -

Luck is created by hard work and preparation. If you're ready for opportunities when they come your way, then you'll be luckier than others. The difference between lucky and unlucky people, we've seen before, is all in our perspective. Lucky people generate their own good fortune via four basic principles.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

- Oscar Wilde -

There are lots of people who try to emulate someone else by changing their appearance or personality to be like another person's, but individuality is where it's at! You should be yourself instead of trying to fit into a mold created by society.

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.

- Will Rogers -

It's tempting to keep thinking about what happened yesterday or dwell on the past, but your focus should be on the present. Yesterday is gone and you can't do anything to change it, so don't waste your time worrying about it.

Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.

- Aristotle -

You can learn all the facts and figures in the world, but if you don't have a kind heart then you're not really educated. Education should involve both the head and the heart. Educating the heart is more concerned with the qualities that make us human, such as empathy, emotional intelligence, altruism, and so on. This, in turn, gives us meaning in our lives.

You can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone.

- Ronald Reagan -

Even though you can't solve every problem, there's always something you can do. Each person has the ability to make a difference in someone else's life. So we all can always help someone who is near to us. That's why it's said that everyone can help someone.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

- Woody Allen -

If you think you know what's going to happen, you're wrong. God has a sense of humor and is always one step ahead of us. Be prepared for anything. God gives life and takes life and His in control of all things and nothing can happen without His approval or knowledge. You don't have the power to take your life and bring it back up. Tomorrow is not promised to you. Only if God is willing to let you live.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read 'War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

- Woody Allen -

I don't have a lot of time, so I took a speed reading course and was able to read War Peace in 20 minutes. It's all about Russia if you're interested.

Life is a rollercoaster, and if you don't scream at it, you are not enjoying your ride.

- Meenal Mistry -

Life isn't always smooth sailing. Sometimes there's turbulence. You have to learn how to roll with the punches and avoid getting too caught up in the challenges that life throws at you. Just enjoy the ride. if you don't scream at it, you are not enjoying your ride.

Write your Sad times in Sand, Write your Good times in Stone.

- George Bernard Shaw -

Don't forget the bad things that have happened to you, but try to focus more on the good things and be grateful for the positive experiences from your life. The more we can get our rational brain involved in overriding these gut reactions, the more things will keep getting better. And we think people can become happier, too.

I'm not a failure because I have failed, I'm a failure because I have given up.

- Denis Waitley -

Even though I haven't succeeded yet, that doesn't mean I'm a failure. I've only failed if I give up and stop trying. There’s going to be anxiety about uncertainty and fear about failing, but push yourself to keep going. After all, you’ll never know how close you are to succeeding if you quit now.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

- Winston Churchill -

A diplomat is someone who can tell you what you don't want to hear in a way that you'll still appreciate. They're good at communicating difficult messages in a way that is polite and respectful. The most important qualities of a successful diplomat are patience, clarity, dignity, confidence, serenity, morality, kindness, empathy, intelligence, and logic.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutual weirdness and call it love.

- Robert Fulghum -

We're all different, and that's what makes life interesting. When we find someone whose differences complement our own, we fall in love with them. It's a weird and wonderful thing. People fall in love with someone (and sometimes, even more) because no matter how imperfect he or she is, we know that you can accept all those imperfections as long as you have each other.